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layout: detonatedlove♥
pictures: ohhspontaneityy
stocks: _excentric_
hits:

Today marks the first day of this year's flying season for me.

Going to Changi takes ages and ages and ages and ages. My evening was full of strange coincidences - meeting mingjing on the train to the airport, finding out that emilyn was taking the same flight at the same time to the same school with jennani, seeing the whole bunch of hc humanities people sending em off (serene chew, where were you?!), pingponging between the rj and hc people at the airport, meeting manda and qihui (whom I haven't seen since j1) there, and they were also sending off another of their friend who was also headed to UVA on the same flight as jen and em. THEN it was all topped off by bumping into alex mccurdy outside starbucks right before midnight because the poor boy's off to brunei for some OCS thing.

Singapore is honestly too small sometimes.

Sadly, sending jen and em off today is the first of many other farewells to come. At the moment right before they walk through the glass doors, I was suddenly transported back to late August last year when we sent weiming off onto the plane to NYU. I remember how much some of us were crying (thanks to me who triggered everybody's tears off) so badly. Watching jen hug her family members, her little cousin sobbing uncontrollably, jen herself crying...I couldn't help but tear a little as she walked through the doors. At that moment, I have never been so glad that I made the decision to stay.

Sure, many people thought I was stupid - choosing to stay in a local university when I could very well have an opportunity to head overseas to experience independence and freedom like I've never known before. I admit, I took the cowardly way out because I knew that I simply wasn't ready to go yet. All these attachments to my family, my friends, my house, my bedroom...I cannot imagine life without all of them. My comfort zone is too comfortable (for lack of a better word), I refuse to step beyond the boundaries into the cold, foreign outside. Not alone, at least. Not yet.

The thing is that most perceive studying overseas to be exciting, fun, full of partying and experiencing a whole different lifestyle and culture altogether - but in a way, aren't these factors over-rated? Fun is what you make of it - if you're a dull person, no matter where you go, your life will still be dull and boring, and vice versa. I have to concede that you will gain exposure to more than you can ever dream of, but can you handle all of that at a go? I probably would have to struggle to keep my head afloat in the sea of settling bills, fixing the laundry, doing housework and other many mundane but necessary chores, on top of handling lessons, homework and parties. Not to mention the homesickness...

I figured that I'm only nineteen now, so why hurry to make a decision about such things? Taking a scholarship equals to selling six years of my life away - which is fine if I'm sure that's the line I want to work in because my career path will then be all neatly planned out. But I don't know what I want to do.

Still, I have to admit that I feel a little pang of regret when I hear my friends chatter away hyperactively about who's flying off on what date to where, and when they discuss about their preparations to venture off into a new arena in the world that I have yet to gain access to.

Lots of mixed feelings, but now that I've made my choice, I'll stick with it.

Meanwhile, more photos coming right up here:

dinner and drinks with the sph girls last thursday


on the train to changi airport


with jen (ex-sph interns gathering #1)


coincidentally, i met qihui there!!


ex-fairsians unite. :)


with emilyn (ex-sph interns gathering #2)


Seems like I'm going to be heading down to the faraway land where Changi airport is quite often for the next month or so - first, to send the people heading to the States to study; then, the UK people.

Ugh. This is one of the rare times I wish I lived closer to the east. 1.5 hours to get there + 1.5 hours to get home = 3 hours' worth of travelling time each time I send someone off! :(