dalena | 25 | counting fancies
a dancer with mosaic
working at the learning lab
4th feb 1986
clearing out her wardrobe
eric & serene
desktop tower defence
go fug yourself
oh no they didn't
pink is the new blog
the butterfly tales
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Yesterday rounded off the last few send-offs I'll be going for this year. All the Oxford-bound people decided to take the same flight there - thankfully, since it saved me quite a number of trips down to remote Changi, but at the same time it was perhaps not such a good idea after all, considering the crowd that ensued. Instead of a private affair with time spent with those that really matter, all of them had more than what they bargained for and the airport started to resemble a marketplace, with people streaming in and out of the place, saying farewell to their various friends.
serene, friends since we were ten!
byebye renies. :(
rachel, ever the strong and independent girl who insisted on flying alone.
tim yap, lots of fun to banter with.
john, one of the most accomplished people I know.
sheryl, miss sm:)ey sunshine!
zhuang, whom I'm going to miss greatly.
For me, I was also feeling rather stressed out for some reason that I'm sure everybody knows about but pretends not to know. I'm physically drained from all the sleepless nights filled with worry and distress, mentally drained from school and projects and tests, and emotionally drained from....
I'm sorry for breaking down after AS class yesterday. I suppose it was partly provoked but mostly an overreaction, but I suddenly felt very defeated by everything around me - that was really the last straw, and this overwhelming feeling of helplessness just washed so strongly over me, I couldn't do anything but sit down and cry.
Perhaps tzeyi was right in saying that I've too much pride. All I want to do is put up this strong front to show the world - I'm fine, I'm cheery and I have this almost-perfect life so I have no reason to ever be down. I'm the kind that likes remaining emotionally independent, preferring to bear all my burdens alone rather than share them with others - because doing so makes me feel pathetic, it makes me feel vulnerable, and it makes me feel weak. And I don't like it.
But nobody can remain that strong and that impenetrable all the time. Under too much stress, the walls will crack, then collapse into a pile of rubble.
From there, all that's left to do is to pick up the important pieces of my life, and walk on.
All of you are right, 2 months isn't that long. I can wait that out, I think.
Afterall, like you said - I am a strong girl. :)