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dalena | 25 | counting fancies
fmps/rgps/nygh/rjc/smu (biz)
a dancer with mosaic
working at the learning lab
4th feb 1986
dalena@gmail.com
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Saturday, April 29, 2006
4:02 am

sleepless night of random thinkiness.


So, it's 4am, and I really ought to be sleeping because I have to be up early tomorrow to help out with the selection of the next batch of LKC scholars. Yet here I am, addicted to my laptop - my faithful companion, always there when I need it - furiously typing away at the keyboard. I must be crazy.

--

Tonight was a good night for me, salsa-wise. I was surprisingly on form - something I haven't been for quite awhile, considering how the past few weeks have been excruciatingly discouraging for me on the social dancefloor. It's felt like I've been deteriorating rapidly - my already-bad balance was worse than ever, my following shaky, my arm tension jerky and my footwork all screwed up - honestly not a very nice feeling to have to deal with. Not just that, there was also getting yelled at by Gupson during practice, the frustration of how I look strange doing certain moves no matter how hard I try, and the sheer impossibility of incorporating body movement that does not look awkward into the dance steps.

However, tonight reminded me why I'm so addicted to salsa once again. Yay. :)

--

Tzeyi is heading off to Sepang tomorrow to race once again. While I'm truly very happy for him that his car is back and up running once again (you should see how low his spirits had sunk when he was evo-deprived and compare it to his perpetual bubbliness now), I can't help but worry, considering how he's had a 100% accident record in Malaysia so far. Since he's bought his evo, every time he goes up to Malaysia to race, he's bound to meet in some sort of mishap. And the accidents get increasingly worse. First, there was the "minor altercation with the wall" when he lost control during one of the bends at the track. Then, there was the traumatic bonnet-slamming-up-and-shattering-the-windshield incident (which I experienced firsthand, ahem). That was followed by the blowing up of his car engine early this year. With such a track record, how can I not worry?!

I suppose I'm just being a worry-wart as usual, but bah. And at least he's installed bonnet pins this time!

Not like I have any say in this matter either, anyway. :P

And there's the other matter about going up to track this time, too, which is strangely causing me an inordinate amount of discomfort and making me pretty unhappy, but I think it's just the woman in me being petty and paranoid. I shall (have to convince myself to) rise above it all! *tosses hair over shoulder*

--

This is such a random and flaky post, but, whatever. It's not like my blog has been anything remotely substantial of late, anyway. Funny how it was first created soley to record stupid quiz results (I was a quiz addict then), then it slowly became an extension of my personal diary (because typing is so much more convenient than writing), so it actually contained personal reflections, philosophical thoughts and a hell lot of contemplation.

As readership increased over the years (it all started in JC, I swear), the focus of my blog started shifting rather perceptibly. Look at it now, it seems like I'm pandering to readership more than anything else. My entries are all whimsical, happy, picture-perfect and also impossibly image heavy - why? - because people love pictures and reader-friendly posts. I won't deny that I don't enjoy the attention - I love attention - if not I wouldn't be continuing this at all. Yet a part of me is wondering, what happened to the me in this whole blogging business?

Not only am I losing my direction in blogging; I'm also losing direction in my life.

I've never been very sure about what I want, being the indecisive, fickle creature that I am - but if there's anything I'm absolutely certain about - it's that I want to be happy.