girl

dalena | 25 | counting fancies
fmps/rgps/nygh/rjc/smu (biz)
a dancer with mosaic
working at the learning lab
4th feb 1986
dalena@gmail.com
clearing out her wardrobe


wordplay

adeline
amanda
amelia
beatrice
boons
chiew
colin
cordelia
daphne
eileen
eric & serene
felicia
gillian
haihan
jamie
jayne
jianfu
jill
joanne claire
marc
mark
miche
qiqi
sam
sheila
shuwen
sze
weiming
winnie heng
winnie png
yaxin
yvonne

destinations

desktop tower defence
dollmaker
gssq
go fug yourself
hollyjean
kenny sia
mr brown
oh no they didn't
orisinal
photohunt
pink is the new blog
postsecret
the butterfly tales
the superficial
tomorrow.sg
xiaxue

history



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layout: detonatedlove♥
pictures: ohhspontaneityy
stocks: _excentric_
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Thursday, July 13, 2006
3:27 pm

sleepless nights.


It's been insane how little sleep I've been getting in the past few days, really. Friday 9am, Saturday 11am, Sunday 12pm, Monday 1130am, Tuesday 930am, Wednesday 930am...and today at 130pm, which is a miracle, considering that I only went to bed at 7am. What is the world coming to?! The worst part of this is that - get this - I still sleep at the same times as usual, which goes to say I've been clocking an average of 4-6 hours of sleep per day in the last week. Terrible, terrible - must be age catching up on me. Or there's always the more likely possibility - that my mind has been ceaselessly restless these days - with good reason, of course.

One of the good points about breaking up (as rare and as little as they seem) is that you finally wake up and notice how many people there are around you who truly care for you. It's amazing how many of my friends - both close, and not so close - have rallied around me upon hearing the news. Many people have thoroughly surprised me with the extent of their concern, especially the most unexpected ones - people I hardly know, people I can't even remember sometimes, people I haven't talked to or seen in ages, and people whom I've always considered only as superficial friends. This has made me think a lot about what kind of friend, and what kind of person I am, and what I would like to be in the future. Isn't it terrible when there are people who are concerned enough to go out of their way to call/message me, and I can't even remember who they are but am too embarrassed to admit it?! Like I'd said before - terrible, terrible.

It's been 4 days and a little more since I've been thrown headlong into the rapids, yet I still have yet to really face the fact that I'm this close to drowning. Part of me has accepted it, and desperately tries to reach out for any stray driftwood that comes my way in an attempt to stay afloat, but everytime I think I've gotten a firm grip on something and start to pull myself up and away, I'll find my grasp slipping again. The other part of me is sick and tired of struggling, and sometimes all I want to do is just close my eyes, let go, and let the currents take me to where they will.

As easy as it may seem to be indifferent, aloof and cold - for now, I still choose to grapple and clutch on to the memories that keep me alive and sane and optimistic, because once I forget, the Dalena that you knew will disappear. Who knows, then, who or even what will take her place instead?