girl

dalena | 25 | counting fancies
fmps/rgps/nygh/rjc/smu (biz)
a dancer with mosaic
working at the learning lab
4th feb 1986
dalena@gmail.com
clearing out her wardrobe


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Saturday, January 12, 2008
flawed beings 8:47 pm

Sometimes, I think that people will never cease to amaze me with their stupidity. With such a sweeping statement, I suppose I also am inadvertently referring to myself. The common excuse given to mistakes made would be "I can't help it..." or "it is unavoidable" or inescapable or whatnot. Unfortunately, I happen to not quite be a great fan of fatalism so, really, such reasons are written off as cock-and-bull in my book. Honestly, if you'd really regretted something as much as you claimed to, you would try to avoid repeating the same mistake at all costs, right? Unless, of course, you were either: a) lying, b) plain fickle, or c) really dumb. And I really don't know which is worst.

Also, if you have been duped once, you should technically not be deceived twice according to the once bitten twice shy syndrome. Yet why do I always place my heart and faith in places where they shouldn't be? It feels like I have been foolishly serving my heart up on a platter just for it to be thrown back at me over and over again - and why? Am I wrong to give others the benefit of the doubt? Is there really no hope left in the world - or maybe I exaggerate - is there really no hope left in some people? I've shied away from thinking so because I have always painted the people I care about in as good a light as I can manage, sometimes beyond reason, thinking that the world will be a better place if everybody would just trust more and doubt less. But I woke up today and found myself slapped in the face without even realizing it, needing somebody to point out to me how painful the slap exactly is. I can't decide if I just never do learn from my mistakes (i.e. being stupid) or if I'm just too trusting for my own good (once again, being arguably stupid). It is like I was created in a rush and a step was skipped in the process - the step that instills common sense and suspicions and some modicum of intuition in a person.

Now, I question myself. I question the fundamentals on which I have been building my life upon, and I wonder if I have been wrong about everyone and everything all this while.

If you've played a part in doing this, congratulations - I hope you're proud of yourself. You've always wanted to make an impact in my life and change me, haven't you? There you go.

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