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layout: detonatedlove♥
pictures: ohhspontaneityy
stocks: _excentric_
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When I was still a kid (not too very long ago, really), the adults always told me that the older you grow, the number of friends that you have will dwindle slowly. Work takes over your life at first, followed by marriage then your family (gasp). I don't think I really ever believed them back then. In fact, till now I remain quite unconvinced about it, though now that I've had a small taste of what adulthood is all about, I think I have a better understanding about why people say so.

It's not quite about losing friends as much as it is about losing the acquaintance-friends. While in school, it's pretty easy to always meet many people repeatedly, forming some semblance of a "friendship" with them - project mates, classmates, people you just bump into around the campus...but really, how many of them are really considered friends in the true sense of the word?

First, what are friends? What does being or having a friend mean to you? According to dictionary.com -

friend   /frɛnd/
–noun
1.a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3.a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

Hmm, those are rather vague definitions don't you think?

Well, let's go with the first one for now - "a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard." I might be idealistic, but if you really were properly and sufficiently emotionally attached to a person, wouldn't you put some effort into keeping in touch despite being busy as hell over your head? Of course, this is all assuming that things are peachy and the person holds you in the same regard - none of those dramatic fall-outs or you-stole-my-boyfriend or one-sided-love-affair issues, etc. - but just proper, good, solid friendship. That should last, no?

It is of my opinion that being busy and whatnot = excuses. If you want something badly enough, you can and will make time for it no matter what.

And because of that, I feel that stepping into adulthood is more of a culling process over everything else. It is a filter installed so that you sieve out the sides and keep only the best of the best. The friends that you keep over the years, the friends who care.

I don't know if this is the case or if I'm just simply blessed to have friends who care and try and bother, but yeah, I don't think I'm losing any of them. Not the ones who matter, anyway.

To that, I say hurrah! And may we share many more years of great friendship and laughter. :)

Labels: thinky moments

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Someone sent me a link to this really lengthy but extremely insightful article about an issue that is probably close to many of our hearts: Quarterlife Crisis.

I wouldn't say that I'm currently a major victim, but still, I must admit that I can feel its onset. While the whole directionless, aimless and dissatisfied thing does not sit well with me, I quite unfortunately cannot deny its existence in my mind.

I guess it's just a matter of time and figuring things out huh.

Anyway, for those who want to read it, click here. Don't be frightened away by its length - it does make a good read, I promise.

Labels: thinky moments

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Daniel & Wendy are getting married tomorrow and the church service starts at 930am, which means I have to be up at 8am or so to start getting ready - which really makes me wonder what on earth am I still doing up awake at this unearthly hour! Fortunately, I'm not the one who has to look good tomorrow (since I'm not the bride, ahem) so I suppose looking like a panda shouldn't matter too much. I think.

There's just something about weddings - they leave people with romantic fancies of their own big days when it comes. The girls dream of white lilies and champagne and the perfect gown with the never-ending train; the boys dream of...well I'm not sure what the boys dream of but I'm quite positive that they are quite happy dreams. But now that the people of my generation are getting married (cousins, friends, friends' friends...) it suddenly struck me that ohmygod that could be me in a few years and to be honest, I'm not sure if I really want all that. Sure, of course I'd love to have a grand wedding with numerous change of gowns from sexy to elegant and jaw-dropping, but at the end of the day, I'm not sure if I could ever grow up to assume the responsibility of being someone's wife. To be held accountable for not just my own actions (of which I'm already having troubles with, really) but also for someone else's.

--

More often than not, these little demons keep creeping into my head to wreak havoc and no matter how much I try to get rid of them, they never fail to find a way back in there. Inside my head I am trapped with all these noise - like the buzzing of a cold static screen that refuses to switch off. And I'm screaming for silence (the same way we bomb for peace, oh yes I learn well) but regret it the moment my wish is fulfilled and everything suddenly disappears in a blink. Silence then blossoms on my lips, on the tips of my fingers and even on top of my head, so vividly that I can almost see it - the little silver flowers with shiny bells at their centres. (Yeah, whoever who said silence is golden lied.)

The seconds tick by and I realise that I can't handle the quiet. So I reach out to pluck them (ow, yelled the silver flower at my lips), and toss them out.

And then it was suddenly 4 in the morning.

stay up till 4 in the mornin' and the tears are pourin' / and i want to make it worth the fight

Labels: thinky moments

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Aquarius + Pisces

Air + Water = Rain

Aquarius falls in the 12th zone to Pisces. This region is mysterious, hard to understand. It is a zone of secrets, and one that can mean defeat or loss, especially to Pisces: this combination might make Pisces feel undermined if you’re not prepared to adapt to their unique kind of idealism. You're dealing with an old soul when you’re with a Pisces. Be prepared for an unusual connection.

Aquarius could be one of the signs most likely to teach Pisces their greatest lessons in the way of self-sacrifice. With you, they'll have to go all out to satisfy your needs, and they too will have to change in many new ways if they want to keep up with you.

This combination also hints at many hidden secrets that will eventually be shared between you. You will both feel as if you have to reveal aspects of your past in order to help the other grow. You usually find it hard to share these things, but with Pisces, it will flow very easily.

You may not trust each other at first; this will have more to do with their attitude towards you than with yours to them.

Far from Pisces causing you any loss, they could eventually prove to be financially quite beneficial to you. Your free and easy manner might work against their own financial interests though, because they'll keep wanting to please you—at their own expense. Make sure you don’t take advantage of what Pisces brings to the table: all relationships need to be mutually supportive.

The karmic influences between you also relate strongly to the sexual side of your life together. Both of you will know this as soon as you meet.

Sometimes when an Aquarian and Piscean get together, there’s a social or cultural reason for not making the relationship public and sharing it with friends or family. Sometimes the religious or cultural viewpoints of each person’s peer group are opposed to the relationship. For whatever reason, there’s a hint of the clandestine about your relationship.

Pisceans born anywhere between 19 February and 28/29 February tend to have a secretive nature, and you may not be able to resolve things with them openly. These relationships could teach you some important lessons: there are serious issues that need to be worked out.

--

Yes, I've obviously been turning to the strangest sources of information these days, what with the recent palm-reading episode and now this horoscope thing.

Interesting though, and not totally untrue. Poor Mark. :P

Labels: random, thinky moments

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Okay once again, I've decided to give this tagboard thing a try again because of how unpopular the commenting system seems to be with my reader. I think it gets tiring after awhile when everything seems so one-way because it makes me feel like I'm blogging to myself? I guess I'm just the typical sort of person who needs validation to some degree and lots of attention paid to me for my mind to be put at ease. Heh!

It is the midterm break this week - and oh hurray, I totally welcome this break. A midterm on Friday evening + another test on Saturday morning at 830am really isn't the most pleasant thing to have to face, so the break that followed was seriously like a breath of fresh air! Still, like how SMU is and will probably always be (for a really long time), a midterm break can never be a proper break because there are always project meetings and work to contend with. Now that I'm in my last year though I think I'm actually complaining less than usual because it has occurred to me that this isn't going to last very much longer. Makes me feel like cherishing it while I still have it all.

Only 1.5 semesters to go before I have to leave the safety of SMU's womb (haha) and be pushed out into the cold cruel world. The thought of it makes me feel like crying already.

And we wonder why babies cry.

Labels: thinky moments

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We went for a week's worth of company visits on the BSM schedule - both big names like Ogilvy, Juilliard, TVWA, HBO as well as smaller and more localized firms like the Deitch Projects. The theme of the NY BSM for this year is New York and the creative economy...speaking of which, I have a paper due next week and I have yet to give it any thought whatsoever. How worrying. Anyhow, I digress. This means that this year's companies are more to do with the creative side (for obvious reasons), like advertising, galleries and all.

On our first day of visits - here we were at the Broadway League!



We had lunch at the Original Soupman. Anybody familiar with Seinfield's Soup Nazi? This is it! The soup was uber yummy - I went there twice in the whole trip. ;)





We passed by Century 21 too...where I bought a lot of bags at a few days later when we returned to the area (for the soup + the shopping).



And this is the depressing sight of Ground Zero.





At Juilliard - seriously an eye-opener. I've never been into an arts school in my life, not even our very own LaSalle or NAFA here in Singapore, so taking a peek at one of the world's most prestigious arts institutions seriously blew my mind away. Too bad we were there in the summer though, so the school was rather empty, if not we could have maybe crashed some of the student practices. That'd have been awesome.





Went to Katz's for dinner too - this is the place where Harry literally met Sally in the said movie. ;)



Check out the awesome meat platter I shared with Lance! Meant to serve three (Americans) but these two puny little Asians did a pretty good job with polishing most of it off anyway I would say.



The next day...we went to Ogilvy! The office is SO pretty and well-decorated. I like! :)





And we had another awesome dinner - this time at Peter Luger's, some super sought-after steakhouse in New York that we tried making reservations for, but found out that it was fully booked all the way to December! We eventually managed to squeeze our way into the place though thanks to Kai, who slipped the guy a small (or not so small) fee. But it was so well worth it! The steak was ridiculously yummy - charred on the outside, cooked nicely in the next layer, bloody and juicy on the inside. Probably the best steak I've ever eaten so far in my life!







After our very full and insanely delicious dinner, we trooped off to the Brooklyn Bridge. It made so much more sense to cross it from Brooklyn to Manhattan at night so you can see the night skyline of Manhattan in its full glory - and oh, what a sight it was to behold!











It was on the bridge that I experienced one of my rare moments of homesickness on this trip (oh trust me, it was extremely rare this time around, so unlike when I was in LA in May). I suppose it was the beautiful sight, coupled with the breeze and general quietness of the place. We may have been on a monumental bridge that overlooks the city and all its bright lights and traffic, but perhaps it was being on an elevated level that made all the difference. The feeling was priceless - in the city, yet not quite a part of it, and feeling more like an observer than really one of the actors in this crazily fast-paced movie that someone with the remote control has decided to play at half-speed. It flickers slowly, frame after frame, leaving your mind with plenty of time to wander home while the rest of you physically soaks up everything else that surrounds you.

Labels: food, holiday, new york, thinky moments, yay

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I'm not very sure how exactly I am going to get around to recounting my trip to New York - should I do it in parts (and risk being long-winded) or should I somehow attempt to condense three weeks' worth of fun, laughter, exploration and discovery all into one post? Even after putting aside a question as mundane as that - I'm still quite at a loss about to put across to you guys what the New York experience really was like, since there really is no way to understand it but to go visit the Big Apple by yourself.

Then again, knowing how unreliable my memory is, many of the littlest but probably the most meaningful details would have flittered off with the wind by now.

But at the end of it all, the whole trip was awesome. I love the energy that the city exudes - everything is so fast-paced, full of bright lights and its like a machine that keeps going on and on and on and if you can't keep up...it'll leave you behind - which probably makes it all the more exciting.

Alright, I've decided - will do this the slow, steady and methodical way - talking about the trip chronologically will probably make the most sense without embarrassing myself or giving too much away since any big picture take away I have of my trip is probably too private and too convoluted for me to express adequately here.

Let's start with the pre-flight bit - practically the entire New York BSM class (save for one missing person who disappeared off to goodness-knows-where during the group shot) gathered for the traditional mass photographing at Changi airport before we embark on our New York adventure!



After an insane 21-hour flight...we were finally there!



Lo and behold, the extremely unimpressive looking hostel that we were to call home (or at least I did, for awhile) for the next ten days. Big Apple Hostel in the Big Apple. Fantastic location - just right off Times Square, the beds and toilets were clean and at a reasonable price too so I guess we shouldn't complain too much, should we?



The massive information overload that met our eyes at Times Square - billboards after billboards, bright lights, huge signs screaming LOOK AT ME and pimping out the various brands and musicals that we could all possibly dig into if we wanted.







And this was the first man I met in New York - the Naked Cowboy! Hahaha. He apparently comes out in the same (lack of) attire during winter!



Look, it's the Scientology Church (ignore the cut off bits of our heads - someone obviously didn't do too good a job with taking pictures!)



And then there was the giant Hershey's store which smelt of chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. Chocolate heaven! Except that I'm not that big a chocolate fan. Still, an extremely cute store. ;)





We explored a little in the neighboring 7th and 8th Avenues and wound up a little lost, a little confused, but no less excited. Didn't take that many pictures but hey, we found the public library!



So our first day in New York came to an end at this point...in fear of spamming everybody (and my poor blog) out with way too many pictures, I will segment my posts nicely and so shall blog more later when I have the time and energy to - Central Park coming up next!

Labels: holiday, new york, thinky moments, yay

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Ah, yes - I have returned from New York.

There are so many things that I could write about the trip, and so many things that I would like to say - but these thoughts and words are crowding up my mind so badly in a confused jumble, that I have no choice but to cram them away into the little box that resides in the dustiest corner of my mind. All for the sake of preserving my sanity. I am utterly certain that I will be making excuses after excuses to delay re-opening this dusty little box for as long as I can in hope that if I ignore it all long enough it will all just go away someday; yet at the same time, I am also utterly certain that I will have to return and face the dreaded contents once again.

Hopefully at that point in time, some of them would have faded away into the grey.

"Go away," she said - and it was gone

Labels: thinky moments

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It is not often that I feel excluded so perhaps that makes it even more difficult to deal with when the feeling sets in, but the point is, yeah, I feel excluded.

And I suppose it hurts more when it's the people you're supposedly close to doing it.

So much for being friends, I guess. I'm not quite sure if I'm being oversensitive (since I'm rarely that - most of the time I'm hugely insensitive, if anything) but I guess it just strengthens my resolve about certain issues and gives me more of a reason to not look back.

The most recent portion of my life revolves so much around the central theme of not looking back that it can't just be a sheer coincidence, can it? Someone Up There must be trying to hint at something to me.

Labels: rainy days, thinky moments

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This may be rather out of the blue, but I came across this clip which I find really touching and, well...I was almost tearing while listening to it.



Just some food for thought, I suppose.

Labels: thinky moments

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"Just wing it lah."

I wonder how many times I've heard that line in the past week. That seems to be everybody's favorite line these days, especially as project deadlines loom up one after and another and we start running out of preparation time. Sure, I guess it is because most of my friends possess exceptional smoking skills and so are experts at conjuring random bits and phrases out of the blue yet still managing to sound intelligent and insightful.

Unfortunately, winging it is not one of my talents. It stresses me out impossibly when I end up in a situation where everybody is strangely confident about being able to smoke their ways through presentations and all. Take presentations - while I dislike rehearsing for them as much as the next person does, I actually see the necessity of at least running through once or twice before the real thing. After all, there are so many things that need making sure of - the length of the presentations, the flow of the slides and points, whether the conclusions ties things up properly and all. I mean, granted that most of the things that we've winged (wung?) through have turned out at least of a reasonable standard, but that isn't quite the point either.

Maybe I am just resistant to the unexpected and dislike surprises.

Maybe it is not so much that I dislike being caught by surprise, but rather, that I hate being surprised when it matters.

Maybe it is because I just feel so inadequate when everybody can effortlessly get away with minimal (or no) preparation but it just is so unfortunate that things don't work the same way for me.

Or maybe, I'm just too much of a perfectionist for my own good.

Damn.

Labels: rainy days, thinky moments

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My grandpa was hospitalized yesterday - because of a suspected mild stroke.

Thankfully, he's doing alright. In fact, he really was in quite high-spirits both yesterday and today when I went to visit him. His cheerful demeanour frankly did puzzle me quite a bit until a sudden bout of understanding crashed into me (in bad-car-accident-style). He has constant company by at least one of his children/children-in-law/grandchildren at any one time of the day, the hospital food is decent (he claims it's tasty), and so hospital life is perhaps less lonely and strangely more enjoyable than everyday life. A pang of guilt followed immediately - after all, I'm one of the heartless ones who see very little of him, failing to visit on an even semi-regular basis.

Yes, I am quite ashamed, especially since I'm supposedly the favorite grandkid.

But ah well, seems like with the elderly, all is forgiven and forgotten quite quickly. As long as he's still smiling and healthy and all...then I am extremely thankful.

Labels: thinky moments

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Sometimes, I think that people will never cease to amaze me with their stupidity. With such a sweeping statement, I suppose I also am inadvertently referring to myself. The common excuse given to mistakes made would be "I can't help it..." or "it is unavoidable" or inescapable or whatnot. Unfortunately, I happen to not quite be a great fan of fatalism so, really, such reasons are written off as cock-and-bull in my book. Honestly, if you'd really regretted something as much as you claimed to, you would try to avoid repeating the same mistake at all costs, right? Unless, of course, you were either: a) lying, b) plain fickle, or c) really dumb. And I really don't know which is worst.

Also, if you have been duped once, you should technically not be deceived twice according to the once bitten twice shy syndrome. Yet why do I always place my heart and faith in places where they shouldn't be? It feels like I have been foolishly serving my heart up on a platter just for it to be thrown back at me over and over again - and why? Am I wrong to give others the benefit of the doubt? Is there really no hope left in the world - or maybe I exaggerate - is there really no hope left in some people? I've shied away from thinking so because I have always painted the people I care about in as good a light as I can manage, sometimes beyond reason, thinking that the world will be a better place if everybody would just trust more and doubt less. But I woke up today and found myself slapped in the face without even realizing it, needing somebody to point out to me how painful the slap exactly is. I can't decide if I just never do learn from my mistakes (i.e. being stupid) or if I'm just too trusting for my own good (once again, being arguably stupid). It is like I was created in a rush and a step was skipped in the process - the step that instills common sense and suspicions and some modicum of intuition in a person.

Now, I question myself. I question the fundamentals on which I have been building my life upon, and I wonder if I have been wrong about everyone and everything all this while.

If you've played a part in doing this, congratulations - I hope you're proud of yourself. You've always wanted to make an impact in my life and change me, haven't you? There you go.

Labels: rainy days, thinky moments

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Yes, I am indeed going through a dry spell in my blogging. Probably one of the longest droughts thus far in the last 5 years of my blogging career - but really, I am highly uninspired, and also horribly lazy not to mention extremely busy with life and having fun to bother.

Of course, there are The Other Reasons.

I used to love sharing these little nuggets of my life with you people, my beloved (or hateful, depending on which side of the coin you choose) readers, because I know there are people out there who relish being able to participate in the fun in some way or another - be it by commenting, dropping me a mail or just purely by reading. But it seems that as all things go, the good parts don't necessarily outweigh the bad parts. Flaming, bitching, gossiping...yes, they are part of the price to pay for the attention - but do I really need the attention? Do I need these anonymous people whom I've never met in my life and probably never will, telling me that they love/hate me?

Seriously...I mean, c'mon - when I blog regularly, I get hate tags; when I don't blog, I still get hate tags. Mmph. I try my best to delete them as they come because they are really quite an eyesore, as many have mentioned, but that doesn't change the fact that they're still coming in whether or not I'm blogging! So, what's a girl to do?

I suppose many of you are familiar with the chickflick Mean Girls. And I suppose that many of you sided with the underdogs, as the movie was supposed to inspire you to. Well, people always want to be seen siding with the underdogs - but I say that they actually secretly want to be the ones getting the glory and limelight. And when they don't, they backstab and bitch and get all sour about those that get it.

I make no pretenses about what I want in life - I like what I have, and I am thoroughly open about it. And what does that get me? Some haters, some admirers. I like to think that I'm a winner. I like to think that I'm popular. I like to think that I'm smart and pretty and blessed and talented. And with all that in mind, I also know I have a long way to attaining perfection...but so do you. Yes, I'm talking to you.

But at the end of the day...I think I like being me more than you'll ever like being you. You can insult me on my tagboard all you want (I *can* delete posts, you know) and you can bitch about me to all your friends - but that doesn't change the fact that you're still reading my blog.

So as I see it, you have a few options: continue reading it and tag bitchy messages that I'll just delete and get your IP address banned, continue reading it and bitch to your friends about me, or just save some effort and quit coming back here. Fewer blog hits won't kill me - in fact, I may actually enjoy some modicum of privacy after awhile.

Thank you for your kind attention. :)

Labels: thinky moments

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It's official - my estate is going en bloc! Check the main page of MONEY in The Straits Times today for more information if you're interested. :)

Yesterday, I went home to my very excited parents discussing the confirmation of the Tulip Garden en bloc sale, and the prospect of moving out after 19 years of livin here. Yup, you read that right - 19 years. In fact, according to my mother, this month marks our 19th anniversary in this house or something as random as that.

Strangely, my parents can't wait to get out and find a new house. In fact, they were pushing some Tanah Merah mansionette thing to me yesterday except that I really don't want to live so far away from everywhere! My sister, too, is enthusiastic at the thought of moving out, clearing our junk out, redecorating the new house, and finally getting a room of her own (away from me, you could say).

It's somewhat different for me though, having lived here since I was 2 years old or so, this is the only home I ever knew. I suspect this might be the same for my brother, since the house is literally older than him and all - he's spent his whole life living here. I have absolutely no memories whatsoever of our old Serangoon house, and I honestly don't have a problem with sharing a room with my sister because, if anything, despite all the quarrels and mess, it's made us that much closer. We literally grew up together, slept together, talked through the sleepless nights, run to the other for wardrobe/beauty help when in distress - all in the space of the same room. I like my condo, I can't imagine living elsewhere, I dread the massive packing that awaits, and I love the location.

I suppose I'm just resistant to change, which could explain why I'd never been all that chirpy about this whole en bloc and moving thing.

But there's always a bright side of the issue to focus on once you know that you can't do anything about it anymore. We're moving next year, like it or not, and complaining or moping around about it certainly is not going to be of much help.

Well, I guess finally having my own space will be a nice change...at least I'll have more room for my clothes/shoes/accessories/makeup/books/etc. You get my drift.

Labels: thinky moments

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This is my last week in the 80 Robinson Road office, my last week to luxuriate alone in my little ISC Meeting Room before we officially move into our new office at One Raffles Quay!

The people from corporate services, IT and financial control have hopped over more than a month ago, followed by the treasury department and various global lines just last week. Communications, marketing & the management are the last to move (tomorrow). I'm not all too enthusiastic about moving over, since it means I'll be plonked into the main office (which is a really dreary shade of grey and full of strange psychadelic carpet and pillar designs), and I'll be so far away from all the good eating places along Boon Tat Street/Robinson Road/Far East Square/China Square. :( This means lots of walking to and fro for lunch next time, or just stick to the (rather limited) food offerings nearby at the MRT station or at Lao Pa Sat.

Then again, being in the main office means I'll be back to join civilization and I get more company. Also, my bus stops right outside ORQ, which translates to less walking every morning as compared to the present - I have to either trek through Lao Pa Sat or up and down the overhead bridge that leads to SGX...and both ways, I emerge: i) later than ever for work, ii) hot and bothered from the long walk, iii) smelling of food. Ergh.

I guess I'm pretty lucky, being able to work in and experience life in both offices. I've spent 2 months in the Robinson Road premises, and will be going through the last month of my internship in the new ORQ office. Somewhat reminiscent of the days back in NYGH - half a year in the creepy old campus, before heading over to the new-country-club-lookalike premises.

I've realised that I always feel really reluctant to pluck my ass up and move from where I am currently at - but after I get about to doing it, I'm almost always happier in new places. Strangely enough, this applies to many levels and my life in general. I do become rather resistant to change, though whether or not I show it is another thing. I'll always insist on staying put because it's so familiar and so comfortable (and really, I embrace the familiar to bits - I'm not all that exciting a person!). Even when it's not the best of places, it still is comforting to me by virtue of the fact that it is a familiar place. I could be stuck in a horrible quagmire, complain about it for awhile, then get used to it, and eventually even grow to like it. It's the inertia...or maybe it's just the laziness. Or maybe I'm just weird.

There's today and tomorrow left in here - if my room wasn't so messy and full of cartons, I'll take a picture of it for fun and memories. We'll see how it goes.

Labels: thinky moments, work mania

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I have been so perpetually lethargic recently that it is starting to worry me a little - dozing off in the middle of conversations or when my forehead slowly but surely decides to have some romantic bodily contact with my work table...the sleepy monster has come to take me, and most of the time, I willingly follow it to whichever happy dreamland it decides to lead me to.

Still, it is nobody's fault but my own that this is happening. I really ought to stop thinking of myself as some superwoman with boundless reserves of energy, and ration some time out for just sleeping enough at proper times. Mmph. I even ended up calling in sick yesterday because I was simply too tired to drag my body out of bed, and ended up getting a very well-deserved rest. I got out of bed at 3pm!

It was back to work for me today again and I spent the whole day nodding off and having headaches or dizzy spells, it really is starting to annoy me how unproductive this all is making me. Not only do I get tired and start daydreaming lots, my temper has become considerably worse over the span of the last two weeks, and my mood, terribly erratic. Of course, most people are lucky enough not to have to experience my...occasional outbursts, since I don't have much of a social life these days apart from work and work part II and salsa. But, well, certain poor souls who are closer to the heart are probably put through quite a bit when I get all unpredictable and snappy for no reason.

Sigh.

Let's not get all depressing now - meet my new pink ty beanie bear!



Cute, eh? :)

Labels: thinky moments, work mania

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Yesterday was Vesak Day - one of the rare public holidays that I'd really appreciated, as it gave me a chance to get away from all that work and take a rest that was much looked forward to. As students, we all rejoice when there are public holidays because it means a break from school; as working adults, we don't rejoice, instead, we are relieved at the respite from work. That's the real difference between kid and adult, student and employee - a difference that I'd only just noticed.

As much as I'm enjoying my internship job now, I can't imagine working full-time. Not yet - I'm really not ready yet.

I guess that's what the two more years of college are for...to prep us properly.

Labels: thinky moments

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For some strange reason or another, college life really contributes to the process of growing up in the recent years. Learning how to cope with stress, deal with being in a pressure cooker, handling peer relations, and now, facing internship once again - all sure signs that we are taking pretty big steps forward in life.

Just the other day, I was watching three little boys clad in their kindergarten school uniforms - one blowing soap bubbles, and the other two running around merrily in attempt to chase them down as their maids hung around in the background, chatting away. At that point, I hardly blinked at the sight as it is a rather common one of kids just having fun in their own carefree manner, but the scene somehow lingered in my mind for days after that. In a way, it reminded of all that I have lost - my carefree childhood full of laughter and play; yet at the same time, it made me realize exactly how much that I have moved on with life from then. I have come a long way over all these years, consciously or subconsciously, and all in all, while people always moon over their "lost childhood that can never be retrieved," I am glad that I have grown up. For all that I have lost, I have gained much more. There are so many parts of my life that I would never want to give up or change, be it good or bad, as I suppose they have all contributed to the way I am now.

I may not be perfect - oh no, in fact I am ever so flawed, but it is in my imperfection that I appreciate even more fully how lucky I am, and how potentially undeserving I am of all the things that have just been dropped into my lap since I was young. I was more or less born with a vaguely silver spoon in my mouth (not a gleaming silver that hurts your eyes with its shine; but silver nevertheless) and never had to go through very much hardship, but still, I am glad of how I have turned out anyway.



Returning to the mundane, I finally secured an internship position - at SG Private Banking (Societe Generale, for the uninformed) in the corporate communications department. To be honest, I am quite excited and looking pretty much forward to starting work because I am officially bored stiff from the holidays already. Yes, I know it has only been two weeks, and that this probably comes as a surprise since I am such an incorrigible slacker, but I can literally feel both my brain and body rotting from all this inactivity and unproductiveness. Besides, I am quite happy at being given the chance to work at such an established bank, and the job scope and perks are pretty attractive, so yay. :)

I start work next Thursday - one more week of sitting about on my (tiny) ass doing nothing but trying to make it not-so-tiny. Till then!

Labels: thinky moments

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